sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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