i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
