he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
