paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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