i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
