...so i touched it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
