my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
