3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
