We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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