i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
