Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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