there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
