a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
