So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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