Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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