I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
