The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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