So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
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