Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
