The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
