i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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