What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
