I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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