I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
