There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
