Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
