I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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