Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
