i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
