I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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