Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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