I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
