About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
