So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
