He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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