PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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