how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
