Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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