i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
