he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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