u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
