I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
