Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You work out of a Hotel?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
