from now on my penis is your penis
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
