I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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