my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
