After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
