he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
