Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she told me i tasted like america
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize