What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
