***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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