It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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