omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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