I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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