It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
