i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
