you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
