Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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