like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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