So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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