were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
