Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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