My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
