Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
