I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
