I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
