Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
