Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
