Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
