so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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