we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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