fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
